Chapter Three – The Joshuas lives unpacked

The initial shock of arriving in Much Bickering is intensified somewhat as the removals men unload the Joshuas’ pantechnicon into their new house – Beckside House. The house, empty and cold for some weeks, no longer exhibits the allure to Nick and Kate of a property in need of some renovation; it looks like a broken-down wreck in need of major and expensive surgery.

The 3 girls however are very excited not only by the size of the house but also by the extent of the gardens and outbuildings and the sense of great space.

Throughout a long day’s unloading and unpacking Nick and Kate keep reminding each other, rather unconvincingly, of the ENORMOUS potential that they’ve bought.

With the departure of the excellent removals men Nick and Kate are ready to collapse where they sit, but they haul themselves up to their sparse bedroom and by 9 the entire family are fast asleep......

But within a few minutes Nick is awoken by intruders....who turn out to be neighbours – the Reverend Julia and her Scots boyfriend Archie – with a tureen of soup to welcome the Joshuas. (Nick and Kate realise that none of their doors have any locks)

At the end of my day I decided to sketch out a ground plan of the property in relation to its place in the village and the north York Moors.

4½ pages : 1180 words

Morning has broken

Most mornings I have my quiet hour to myself every morning. I let the dawg out, make a cuppa, go to my office and switch on to Radio 4 and go online and intimately commune with the news. Over the winter months my hour is invariably a deathly quiet hour.

This morning was suddenly lighter than the days before and also far noisier - the songbirds were out on the wing and signing chirpily. The snowdrops are still out, the crocuses are in full bloom and some daffodil heads are breaking through. The sky was a glorious blue at 7 this morning. This morning felt as if the spring was really about to burst forth.

Then, the sleepyheads are roused and the school day begins. Suddenly, IS asks me, "Dad, why did you marry Mum?" Whilst the others laugh and goad me I try to think of a smart or witty answer. Finally I reply, "Well, if you must know it's because I knew we'd have the best 3 girls ever".

Nice day.


.....Arrival - 6th April 2001

From London we headed to SC's parents (who lived 10 miles away from our new house) for the 48 hours before we took charge.

Friday came around and we and John and Stuart Removals turned up at 2 o'clock to bid farewell to the vacating D family. The scene that greeted us at the house could have been out of a slapstick movie. A number of sweaty, panicking removals men were desperately behind in their packing. In the grounds were 2 pantechnicons with men sweatily humping and arranging stuff inside. In the house, more men were busily packing and shifting and shouting in strong Yorkshire accents. 'Our' crew just looked gobsmacked at this tableau of madness. We went off for a coffee and...calm, and a preliminary look around our new town.

Nearly 3 hours later we returned and found a THIRD pantechnicon and more men - now totaling ELEVEN - even more sweaty, even more panicky and even more behind schedule. Pandemonium ruled!

Eventually, we spoke to one of the delightfully harrassed and apologetic D family who said they should only be another hour or two. We called an emergency London Crew Removals Meeting and decided to leave this Yorkshire mob to their unbridled incompetence and that we would keep in touch by phone. We returned to my parents-in-law whilst John and Stuart headed for the pleasures of who-knows-what.

We later found out that the D's vacated the house at 10.45pm.
Strike 1 to the London crew.

The school lottery

We went to visit our 6th Yorkshire school in 6 Yorkshire years. Here's the tally....3 Nurseries, 1 Infant, 3 Junior, 1 Secondary and 1 Independent. I said to SC that, at this rate, we had another 15 Yorkshire schools to visit in the next 11 years. Would that possibly have been the case if we had stayed put in groovy South London.

At just 24 hours notice we were invited to visit a local Primary school with good word-of-mouth reports. The Head gave us a warm welcome and a thorough tour of the facilities, the teachers and the children. It seemed like a cut-down version of the first school we inhabited in Great Bickering - except that this Head resembled a younger, amusing, personable, Welsher version of Gunter Grass rather than our experience of the Bickering Head who was a cross between Stalin and Thatcher with the moustache and an overly posh Yorkshire accent.

In today's visit, the top class looked good, the lower class seemed rather beset by photocopies and colouring. IS and ES made all the right murmurs and gave all the correct looks. Lunch that day was toad-in-the-hole and sponge pudding - my kind of school. We left for home as uncertain as before as to which educational path to venture down.

SC was still agonising as I fell asleep. Until the next educational hiatus........


.....Departure - 4 April 2001

SC had lived in her Balham house for 19 years and I had been there 8 of those years. During that time we had delivered 3 girls back to the house and shared memories too numerous to recall. My family had often moved me and my sisters but I had never moved my family.

Now, this house was empty of EVERYTHING - except us. The five of us took our last voyage through the house stopping and saying goodbye to each room in turn. We ended up in the kitchen. HS produced a piece of card cut out in the shape of a heart on a piece of thread. SC placed the heart on the wall above the cooker - with HS's 6 year-old writing the card, 'We love you house'.

Standing outside the locked house we wished John and Stuart, our wonderful Removals men, a safe journey in their pantechnicon.

We all stood for a final look at our old house - SC was teary, we all hugged each other and gave a long, deep sigh and got into our loaded and trusty old Sierra. And we headed northwards. Forever!